Around 10am that morning, my mother-in-law – Aling Rosa – walked into my husband and I’s rented house in Antipolo with three big bags: a sako of rice, a bayong full of vegetables, and a styrofoam box of meat and fish.

I got married and lived with my wife’s parents in Quezon City. After the birth of our first child, we continued to live with my wife’s parents. Living with my wife’s parents had many inconveniences, so I told my wife to ask my parents for a vacant lot right next to our house to build a separate house. But after much begging, my wife’s parents still did not agree. They said:

— We only have one daughter, this house and land will eventually belong to you. There is no need to spend money to build another place, just stay here with us, when we pass away, the house and land will be handed over to you.

Hearing that, I understood that my parents did not want to give it to me and were just avoiding the issue. I insisted that my wife move out.

We took our two children and rented a 3-storey townhouse in Antipolo, about 15 km from Quezon City. Since moving away, I have avoided my in-laws’ house, not going there, and not accepting food or drinks like before – as a way to show my attitude.

This time, my wife just gave birth to our third child, so she stays home with diapers and milk, taking the two older children to public school. The financial burden is all on me. I gently told my wife:

— Please ask your parents to lend me the land next to the house so I can build a factory. It’s okay if you don’t transfer the name, just consider it a place to do business.

My in-laws still refused. I was angry and cut off all contact.

I go to work from morning to night every day, not knowing how things are at home. I suspect my wife spends money recklessly, or takes money back to her in-laws’ house. Every month, I give her ₱16,000, and every month it’s gone. I grumbled:

— We have 5 mouths to feed, we send rice from the countryside, we have vegetables from the backyard, and our children go to public school; why is ₱16,000 always gone?

My wife said:

— ₱16,000 is a small amount. The two older children have to pay for boarding, transportation, and school activities, which is already ₱6,000; and diapers and milk for the younger ones, medicine, electricity, water, groceries… I have to be careful to have enough.

I still didn’t believe it. I secretly installed a camera in the house, without telling her, and watched it from my phone at work.

After a few days of monitoring, at exactly 10am, my mother-in-law came to the house when I was away. And the “transaction” between my mother-in-law and my wife made me stiff.

My mother-in-law put down the things and said:

— Do you still have last month’s stuff? I was afraid the kids wouldn’t have enough to eat, so I brought it early this month. I just cooked chicken, your dad went fishing in Laguna de Bay and got some tilapia, I put it in a styrofoam box. You guys also have rice and vegetables here, but we have a lot at home, so I’ll bring it over for convenience.

My wife hurriedly said:

— Don’t bring so much, Mom, we can take care of ourselves.

My mother-in-law waved her hand:

— Don’t hide it from me. Every month, my husband gives me a few dollars, enough for food, school fees, diapers, milk… how can it be enough. You’re still at home taking care of the baby, going to the market is difficult. So I’ll bring it over so you don’t have to work so hard.

My wife hesitated. My mother-in-law whispered:

— She (meaning me) is angry with her parents, so I’ll sneak over. Don’t say this is something her grandparents gave her, or she’ll get angry and throw it away. When she’s no longer angry, we’ll come visit her later.

After saying that, my mother-in-law put on her coat and got on the bus back to Quezon City.

I watched my wife pack three bags of stuff by herself, and my heart sank. It must have been like that the previous times too – I just didn’t know.

I covered my face and cried. I cried because I didn’t understand my in-laws’ feelings, because of my pride and narrow-mindedness, because I couldn’t provide my wife and children with a full life. In the Philippines, people often say: “Family first.” I had forgotten that – and it was my in-laws who were helping my small family with every piece of rice sako, every bayong vegetable, every piece of tilapia fish… so that we wouldn’t miss a meal.

The next day, I turned off the camera, carried the gifts back to Quezon City. I bowed to Mang Ben and Aling Rosa:

— I’m sorry. If possible, please lend me the land to build a workshop – I’ll write a contract and pay the rent properly. I just hope you don’t sneak things anymore; I’ll learn to grow up and take care of my wife and children myself.

My mother-in-law just smiled, put the new rice sako on the jeepney:

— Just bring it back for now, we’ll think about the land later. Family is to support each other when things get tough, my child.