I am 34 years old. My father passed away when I was 8 years old, and since then Nanay Lourdes has taken on the role of an ama’t ina, doing everything to raise me.

When I was little, I saw Nanay working during the day and sewing clothes for the kapitbahay at night to earn a few extra pesos. I vowed that when I grew up, I would take good care of her and not let her suffer another day.

In my heart, Nanay is the most wonderful woman. She is gentle, hard-working, and never spoke harshly to me. During her youth, she sacrificed her own happiness and did not remarry because she was afraid that I would suffer with the padrasto. She never bought herself a decent damit, but whenever I liked something, she would try to save up to buy it.

I think that whoever gets to live with Nanay is definitely lucky.

But my wife does not think so.

Ang Pagsasama sa Isang Bubong

Since we were in love, I told my wife – Angela – that after we got married, we would live together with Nanay Lourdes. I am an only child, I could not leave Nanay alone in the old house in Quezon City, when she was almost 70. Angela just smiled slightly, did not object, I thought she agreed. But after the wedding, I realized.

On the first day as a daughter-in-law, Angela still tried to integrate. Nanay was happy, welcoming her daughter-in-law like gold and jade. But gradually, the atmosphere became tense. Angela rarely talked to Nanay, often making excuses to go to the room early. Nanay occasionally complained to me:

– “Roberto, parang hindi marunong makisama ang asawa mo. Gusto ko sanang turuan pero parang ayaw makinig.”

I thought they were not familiar with each other yet, they needed time. But then Angela said bluntly:

“Ayoko na talagang makitira. Gusto kong magkaroon ng sariling bahay.”

Hearing that, I was very angry. How could she be so selfish? Knowing that my family only had one Nanay, how could I leave her alone?

Ang Hinanakit ng Asawa

Angela said, she acknowledged that Nanay loved his children and grandchildren, was gentle, but was “dictatorial”:

– “Hindi ka kailanman tinitingnan ng Nanay mo bilang isang tunay na lalaki. Kinokontrol niya lahat – paano ka kumain, magbihis, gumastos. Kahit bumili ako ng maliit na gamit, laging may puna. Lahat ng bagay, maliit man o malaki, dapat ayon sa gusto niya. At kapag hindi, nagtatampo siya, nagiging malamig. Parang wala akong sariling espasyo, parang nakikitira lang ako.”

I heard, I understood. But I still thought it was a small matter, family members should give in. To me, Nanay was not “controlling” but “caring”. If Angela looked at it from a positive perspective, things would not be so bad.

I analyzed gently, but my wife was in tears:
– “Roberto, ikaw kasi sanay ka na, hindi mo ramdam. Pero sa akin, mabigat ito. Hindi ako ang may-ari ng bahay, parang wala akong boses. Ganitong edad na, gusto ko namang may kalayaan, pero kapag nakatira kasama Nanay mo, impossible.”

Ang Pagod at Pangamba

Angela kept bringing up the matter of moving out. She often deliberately came home late so as not to have dinner with Nanay, especially when I was busy with work.

Nanay was sad, telling me that Angela was difficult to approach, mayabang. I looked at Nanay, her hair was gray, my heart ached. I loved her so much, she sacrificed her whole life and now she was troubled because of her children.

Yesterday, Angela said again:
– “Kung hiwalay tayo ng bahay, pupunta pa rin ako kay Nanay, lulutuan, aalagaan kapag may sakit. Pero kung araw-araw nakatira sa ilalim ng kanyang tingin, hindi ko kaya. Pakiramdam ko parang palagi akong sinusuri, kinokontrol.”

I’m so tired.
Are all women today so difficult to please and selfish?

Part 2: Ang Lalaki sa Gitna ng Dalawang Puso
Ang Unang Banggaan

One evening, after work, Roberto returned to hear Nanay Lourdes and Angela in the kitchen. The atmosphere was heavy:

– “Angela, sinabi ko na sa’yo, kapag nagluluto ng sinigang, dapat unahin ang baboy bago ang gulay. Para hindi lasang hilaw.” – Nanay’s voice was harsh.

– “Pero Nanay, ito po ang paraan na alam ko. Masarap naman, iba lang ang style.” – Angela held back.

Nanay paused, her face darkened. She left, quietly going upstairs. Angela sat there, her eyes red. When Roberto entered, she burst into tears:
– “Roberto, araw-araw ganito. Hindi naman mali, pero laging may pakialam. Parang lahat ng bagay kailangan aprubado ng Nanay mo.”

Roberto sat down, holding his forehead. On one side was his hard-working mother who raised him, on the other side was his wife who was shedding tears. He was silent, feeling as if his heart was torn in two.

Ang Pagbubuhos ng Damdamin

That night, Angela confided in her husband:
– “Alam ko mahal na mahal mo si Nanay. Naiintindihan ko ‘yon. Pero paano naman ako? Hindi ba ako rin ang pamilya mo ngayon? Sa tuwing pinipili mong manahimik, pakiramdam ko hindi ako importante.”

Roberto choked up. He knew Angela was right. But he couldn’t leave Nanay alone either.

– “Angela, buong buhay niya ibinigay niya sa akin. Phaon na matanda na siya, iiwan ko ba siya mag-isa? Paano kung may mangyari?”

Angela held her husband’s hand, trembling:
– “Hindi ko sinasabi na pabayaan mo si Nanay. Kung gusto, puwede tayong tumira malapit. Araw-araw pa rin nating madadalaw siya. Pero hindi ko kayang araw-araw pakiramdam ko wala akong tinig sa sarili kong bahay.”

Ang Panig ng Nanay

The next morning, Roberto sat with Nanay Lourdes on the porch. She quietly said:
– “Anak, nakikita ko… nahihirapan ang asawa mo. Alam kong minsan mahigpit ako. Pero iyon lang kasi ang alam kong paraan. Gusto ko lang maayos ang lahat, walang mali, walang kakulangan. Hindi ko intensiyon na saktan siya.”

Roberto bowed his head:
– “Pero Nanay, Angela feels like… kontrolado siya. She wants to move out.”

Nanay’s eyes were red. She was silent for a long moment, then sighed:
– “Kung iyon ang makakapagbigay ng kapayapaan sa pamilya mo, anak… handa akong tiisin ang lungkot. Ang mahalaga, masaya kayong mag-asawa. Hindi naman ibig sabihin hindi mo na ako mahal kapag lumipat kayo.”

Roberto was dumbfounded. He did not expect his mother to say that, her voice full of resignation.

Ang Sandali ng Pagpili

Roberto stood between two worlds. On one side was Nanay – the woman who had devoted her life to raising him. On the other side was Angela – the wife, the home he had sworn to spend the rest of his life with.

If they continued to live together, the marriage would be at risk of breaking down. If they moved out, his mother would be alone in the empty house.

That night, he stayed awake. Angela’s choked sobs and Nanay’s sad eyes kept intertwining in his head, making him suffocate.

Ang Bitin

The next morning, Roberto looked at the two most important women in his life – one in the kitchen, one on the porch – both of them heavy.

He took a deep breath, then spoke:
– “Nanay… Angela… kailangan nating mag-usap nang maayos. Hindi puwedeng ganito lagi. Kailangan natin ng solusyon.”

Silence reigned. This would be the conversation that would decide the family’s future: would they find a compromise, or would a tragic split befall them?