Taking my wife to labor, I was shocked when the doctor who delivered her was the ex-boyfriend I abandoned when she was 6 months pregnant – she said exactly 3 words that made my legs go weak…
The day my wife went into labor, I drove her to a big hospital in Quezon City in a state of extreme anxiety. Her hands were clutching mine until they were red and bruised, and sweat poured out like a shower. This was our first child – the creature I had been waiting for for the past nine months. I did not expect that sacred moment to open another door – leading me to face the guilt that I thought I had buried deep in the dust of time.
When the nurse pushed my wife’s stretcher into the delivery room, I was about to follow but was stopped. A female doctor walked out of the preparation room, her eyes looking straight at me.
I was shocked.
She – none other than – was Marisol.
Marisol, the ex-girlfriend I abandoned seven years ago. The woman I turned my back on when I found out she was six months pregnant. At that time, I was young, had no career, was not ready to be a father. I panicked, cut off contact, pretended nothing had happened. I thought time would erase everything. I thought Marisol would disappear from my life forever.
But today, right when my wife was struggling to give birth, the leader of the team was her.
I stammered:
– Ma… Marisol…
She didn’t answer. She just glanced at me, her eyes calm to the point of coldness. Then she turned to the nurse:
– Ihanda ang caesarean. Bumaba ang heart rate ng baby.
Before entering the delivery room, she looked at me one last time. No more resentment, no more pain. Just calm… to the point of fear. And she said softly, so softly that I had to strain to hear clearly:
– “Bayad utang na.”
Three words. As light as the wind. But I felt my chest constricting.
I was weak. My legs were unsteady. I collapsed onto the hallway bench, cold sweat pouring out. In my mind, I replayed like an old film: Marisol’s eyes when I left, her round belly trying to cover it with a large duster, her choked voice:
Huwag ka umalis… anak mo
But I ignored it. I chose the easy path, turned my back, leaving her with all the damage. I didn’t know if she had given birth yet, if she could keep the baby, how she was living. I never asked.
Today, when she stood there, dignified in her white blouse, her hands saving my child’s life, I understood: there are wounds that don’t need revenge. They just wait for the moment you bow your head.
More than an hour later, the nurse came out and announced:
Ligtas ang mag-ina. (Mother and child are safe, my dear.)
I breathed a sigh of relief and ran into the recovery room. My wife lay exhausted, but still tried to smile:
– Ang cute ng baby… kamukha mo.
I touched her cheek with trembling hands, but the image of the doctor just now was still ringing in my head.
I wanted to find Marisol to apologize, but she had left her shift. Only one nurse remained and asked softly:
– Kilala mo si Dra. Marisol?
I was silent.
The nurse sighed:
– Dati, hirap na hirap siyang magdala ng baby. Pero hindi umabot… namatay ang anak bago siya manganak. Kaya nagpatuloy siya sa medisina. Lagi niyang sinasabi: ‘Kung hindi ko naalagaan ang anak ko, at least matutulungan ko ang anak ng iba.’
I was speechless.
It turned out that the child I had turned my back on was the child who would never see the light of day. And her mother, instead of resenting, chose to continue living, to continue saving other lives… including my child.
That night, I held my child in my arms and tears welled up in my eyes. Every time I heard my child cry, I thought of the unborn child in Marisol’s womb. Every time my wife gently rocked our child to sleep, I remembered that woman’s calm yet sorrowful gaze.
The three words “Bayad utang na” – were not a curse. They were the end. They were the end of the terrible past I had created. And also the beginning of a new chapter, where I had to learn to live kindly, to be grateful – and to bear the consequences, even if it was late.
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