Accidentally Finding a Notebook in My Boyfriend’s Wallet Left Me So Shocked I Wanted to Break Up Immediately

Honestly, I was completely shocked by what I discovered. I don’t think any normal man would do something like that. The thought made me feel both amused and bitterly sarcastic.

I just turned 30 this year—a milestone that, in my parents’ eyes, means I’m “nearing old age.” They’ve started getting anxious seeing me lie in bed every evening scrolling through my phone instead of going out on dates. They’ve become so worried that they’ve asked friends and acquaintances to set me up, like I’m a product on a shelf—where the longer it sits, the harder it is to sell.

That’s the joke I always make with my parents. But of course, all parents want their children—especially their daughters—to settle down and have a stable family life. In their minds, if a son or daughter reaches a certain age without getting married, it means they’ve failed in their duties as parents.

That’s why every time my parents ask someone to introduce me to a guy, I try my best to show up and meet him, just to ease their worries. I want them to know that I am trying—if I’m not married yet, it’s simply because fate hasn’t arrived.

Usually, if after a few meetings with someone I don’t feel any special connection, I’ll take the initiative to stop seeing them—so that neither of us wastes our time.

Three months ago, I met Hoàng through a mutual friend. After hanging out a few times with our friend present, we decided to go on a one-on-one date.

Hoàng is 30, the same age as me. He’s calm and soft-spoken, not the boastful, impulsive type like most guys I’ve met before. He often pays attention to the little things—something that easily touches a woman’s heart.

There were times he surprised me with unexpected romantic gestures, like showing up to a date with a small bunch of wildflowers he picked by the roadside. He said, “I saw these pretty flowers on the way here and thought, maybe you’d like them.” I found him quite charming, and I thought to myself—if this goes well, maybe I’ll just settle down with him.

I even introduced him to my parents, and they really liked him. The way he spoke about life and society really resonated with my dad. My mom said, “I think he’s a good man. Quiet, calm men like him are the best.”

I also visited his home. He lives with his father, who’s still in good health but a bit slow-moving. His father told me how his wife—Hoàng’s mother—passed away when Hoàng was 17. Since then, the two of them had raised each other like two roosters in a henhouse.

His father said Hoàng had to grow up fast, taking on all the household duties his mother used to do—grocery shopping, cooking, laundry—everything usually done by a woman. He’d dated a few women before, but after bringing them home and showing them his situation, most of them left quietly, feeling more hesitant than compassionate.

After that visit, I felt even more love and sympathy for him. He had never told me all of this before—only mentioned that his mom died early and that life had been a little tough. And I truly wanted to share those burdens with him for the rest of our lives.

Last week, we had a date. When we were about to leave, he got a phone call and handed me his wallet, asking me to go pay for the drinks. I told him I’d cover it, but he insisted, pushing his wallet into my hand before stepping outside to take the call.

I opened the wallet and saw that all the bills were neatly organized by denomination in separate compartments. Next to them was a thin notebook. Curious, I opened it—and found a spending log that he had been keeping every day.

But after reading a few lines, I realized it wasn’t just any spending notebook—it was a detailed record of his expenses from each date.

On the first page, he wrote down the exact date, followed by a list of detailed expenses: fruit juice, roses, birthday gifts, matching couple shirts… filling up an entire page. And at the end, he wrote:

“Dating Linh Chi from [date] to [date] – Total spent: 3.6 million VND. Result: Useless.”

The next page also listed detailed expenses, but this time with another girl. After nearly a year of dating, they broke up. At the bottom of the page, it read: “Spent 4.8 million VND. A waste of time and money. Lesson learned for next time.”

And the following page, though it hadn’t been totaled yet, I knew it was for the expenses of his dates with me. Because we rarely went out, and whenever we did, it was usually just to sit at a street-side café for comfort, the total amount was relatively low.

To be honest, I was shocked by what I had just discovered. When he saw me come out, he asked, “How much did we spend, babe?” I thought, normally people wouldn’t ask that. Did he ask just so he could record it accurately in his notebook? That thought made me feel something between amused and bitter—I don’t even know the right word for it.

For the past week, I’ve avoided seeing him under the pretense of being busy with work. I needed time to reflect on his habit of meticulously keeping a “romantic expense diary” to determine whether it truly reflected the kind of person he is.

Is it too much of a red flag when a man records even a 15,000 VND plate of sunflower seeds during a date with his girlfriend? If I were to marry him, would he end up calculating every single meal, “measuring fish sauce and counting pickled scallions,” like the old saying goes?

Living with someone like that would be exhausting, and he is not the kind of man I’ve envisioned for myself.

The truth is, if I hadn’t seen that notebook, I would still have a rather good impression of him. In his father’s eyes, he’s a wonderful son. To outsiders, he seems reliable and trustworthy.

Yesterday, he texted me saying he missed me after not seeing me for a few days. He asked for my thoughts on whether he could bring his father to my house soon to formally talk to my family. He said he liked me and hoped we could have a complete, happy ending together.

If things were normal, I might have considered that good news. But now, I’m hesitant and deeply conflicted. That little summary in his notebook keeps bothering me. And I’ve found myself thinking more about breaking up than continuing.

I don’t dare share this with anyone—not even the friend who introduced us—because I feel like doing so would be unfair to him. But I honestly don’t know if this habit of keeping a dating journal means he’s just overly careful, or if he’s stingy and petty.

How should I interpret his behavior? Is it normal or not? Should I continue this relationship?